Google Maps Hates Me

It’s that time of the year folks and I’ve got a wild hair up my ass about getting out of town. Is it “wild hair” or “wild hare?” No idea what that even means really. Hit me up with a comment if any of you can explain it to me. I want historical data and wiki references.

ComiCon is in San Diego. I’ve never been there and really looking forward to letting my inner, and let’s be honest outer, geek out for five whole days of pop culture and comic books. Ill be meeting up with an old high school friend of mine, Bill, and some of his cousins. Or maybe they’re his friends. Either way, it’ll be a geektourage for the ages. My brilliant scheme for this trip is to extend that San Diego ride a little farther north, like Seattle, for example. Hence the “epic” nature of this endeavor. To further complicate things, I want to avoid the interstates and hug the coast the entire way. What’s that you say? “Google Maps!” Yes, that’s what I say too. So, that’s what I did.

It has not been a fun or fulfilling experience. I should remember this from last year’s Epic Ride when I tried to take US 50, the loneliest road in America, to New York. The robot brains at Google do everything they can to find you the fastest straightest route to your destination. That’s great when you’re a trucker, not so fun as a guy on a motorcycle. Interstates are boring, crowded with RVs and trucks and every corporate eatery you can imagine. These routes seem to have been designed to give you the least romantic experience possible. Industrial wastelands, suburbia, and outlet malls. Where are all the country stores and cafes, and quirky motels? Like this place off 395 in Olancha, CA, where I happen to be having breakfast as I write this.

I had to try the Indian Fry Bread, just because I’ve never seen it served anywhere. You slather it with butter and top with honey. It’s deep fried flat bread that tastes like a combination of French toast and a donut. Damn good.

Because I’m American and as such I need more. MORE! I ordered the French toast sandwich.

Shit, I got sidetracked off the original subject! Google Maps. In order to plot a course along the coast you need to tell it to give directions to every damned town you can find along the route or constantly drag the path to the correct road. It seems Google has an opportunity to add awesome functionality to Maps by putting in a scenic route button or at least an option to avoid interstates. It took me an hour to plot out a coastal course from San Diego to Santa Cruz. The horror, right? Another case of first world problems.

In the end, I think I’ll just wing it. Between the Garmin and the iPhone, there’s no way I’ll get lost. Famous last words?


About heartajack

I'm a graphic designer and occasional filmmaker that recently discovered the awesomeness that is the Can-Am Spyder Roadster. In recent years I've become obsessed with food and learning how to prepare it. I make the best damn ribs...EVER.
This entry was posted in Epic Ride 3: ComiCon and the Pacific Northwest and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Google Maps Hates Me

  1. Dave says:

    I think you can tell the GPS to avoid Interstates, I know there is a Toll Road option…

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