Neighbor Update

Another day another opportunity for my neighbors to show off how classy they are.

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This guy has been out on his lawn for the last 3 hours drinking. He finishes a beer and throws the empties over his shoulder. He’s building up quite the pile. Last time I looked over there, he was pulling off a filthy tube sock and was picking at his toes. Now, I’m not the picture perfect neighbor, one look at my untended lawn will confirm that, but I usually keep my moments of white trashiness indoors. You know, like drinking a whiskey alone at home and throwing remotes at the AppleTV because Netflix keeps fucking bogging! Motherfucker! I’m gonna rip that piece of shit outta the wall and stomp on it, goddamn it!!!!!!!!

But I digress, this is not about me. A month ago I ordered a pizza from Pierino’s the delivery guy pulled up across the street in front of this guys house. The delivery kid looked confused, looking for addresses. I called him over, was in the process of paying, when the nut across the street pulls up in his classic Dodge Stratus right behind the pizza guy’s car. He flies out of the car in a rage. “What the fuck! I’m sick of this fucking a shit! Every goddamned day!” he slams the car door. Storms into his house, slamming the screen door. Me and the delivery kid are looking over at this melodrama playing out. The guy comes out of the house ranting and waving his arms, gets in his car, and peels out in reverse. Slams on the gas, and tears ass down the street. I can hear the car at the end of the block squealing, doing doughnuts apparently, and he flies back in front of the house, slams on the breaks and swerves into his drive way, nearly smashing into the pickup truck that’s parked the. He once again slams the car door, and continues to rave at the world. Screen door bangs and the front door smashes closed. Delivery kid asks “what was that all about?” I say “I think you took his parking spot.” I tipped the kid $5 and had a really great pizza.

UPDATE:

Not 5 minutes after writing this blog, the weirdo neighbor now has a bigass broad sword stuck in the lawn in front of him. Good god. He keeps looking over here.

UPDATE 2:
Still there and a better photo! Note the sword…

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About heartajack

I'm a graphic designer and occasional filmmaker that recently discovered the awesomeness that is the Can-Am Spyder Roadster. In recent years I've become obsessed with food and learning how to prepare it. I make the best damn ribs...EVER.
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One Response to Neighbor Update

  1. John C says:

    You need to put a chair out with a cooler of beer and the Mossberg slung across your lap and stare him down. Never bring a sword to a gunfight!

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